Hungary for Buda...pest

Arriving in Budapest after a rather pleasant eight hour train journey I look at the weather and my map thinking that its a lovely day so I'll walk the 20 minutes to the hostel. Turns out George W Bush is in town so the Metro is closed anyway, stupid Americans. So about an hour later I'm sweating like a bastard as I buzz the door to what looks like an absolute shit-hole of a building. Nothing happens. I re-buzz. Again nothing happens. Giving up I take off my pack and sit down on the footpath exhausted. I'm thinking, not only have I booked the shittiest hostel in the world but they won't even open the door.

Moments later a woman pokes her head out of the door and says "Hello, come in" to me in English. I'm thinking eh what the hell it looks like a shit-hole but its probably cooler inside than out. After taking the worlds worst elevator one floor as its quite clear that I can hardly walk, I ignore the shittiness of the hallways and suddenly find myself in this beautiful apartment come hostel. Its practically a B&B!

I get offered a customary welcome drink, visions of iced fruit cocktails run through my head until I snap out of it when she, whose name turns out to be Silvia, comes back with a bottle of spirits and a couple of shot glasses. Explaining to me that its customary to have a drink with someone and I'm travelling alone she decides to have a drink with me. The drink itself scorches my already parched throat and my eyes water like a little girl, Silvia assures me that after a lie-down I'll feel great in 5 minutes.

True to her word in five minutes I'm feeling like a million dollars.

The evening is spent with some Americans, Theo and Morgan. We catch some dinner and I try the local goulash and fresh water trout, a local delicacy I'm assured. As I begin to eat I begin to realise that every city in Eastern Europe along the Danube claims that the goulash and fresh water trout is their own. Still, I'm not complaining as the meal is nice.

Wanting a taste of the Budapest night life we find a couple of young Scottish gals who are up for a good time. We hit the "beach party" clubs along the Danube where we all partake in dancing, drinking, sitting in huts, and general good times.

The morning is spent nursing a hangover, so with the women of Scotland in tow I check out the famous Hungarian Turkish style baths. Warning to all: In Europe fat ugly people exist too, and insist on exposing all that is fat and ugly about themselves, shudders and general feelings of fear will follow.
I have a night out with Bianca the Aussie and we eat at a fancy restaurant. Fancy because it just turned out that the only one we could find that served a main lacking meat was rather fancy, those vegetarians, tut tut tut. Still after downing the odd bottle or two of fine Hungarian red I wasn't complaining. A very civilised evening if I do say so myself, which of course I do.

As I am experiencing the phenomenon known as "travellers feet", whereby after a month or two of travelling your feet cease to function as normal due to the inordinate amount of blisters and general "walking my ass off every day", I decide to partake in a city bike tour.

The tour takes in all the major historical monuments and our friendly tour guide, in between dinging his bike bell at all the attractive women, explains the sobering fact that in Hungary's entire history it has never been on the winning side of a war.

Not really believing that our guide is telling the truth concerning the Hungarian custom of dinging ones bell at attractive women I can't argue with the fact that my dings are eliciting waves and smiles from women too. At this point another sobering thought wanders through my head, perhaps they are not waving at me but at my exorbitant amounts of foreign currency?

Back at the hostel I'm drinking with Bianca and Nick the Brit. Nick has an awesome public school boy accent and apparently speaks fluent Portuguese. Our friendly host Silvia directs us to the clubs worth visiting on a week night and I again find myself out with some Scottish birds, although different than the previous ones. We find a cool bar with table football and many awesome games are played. Hilariously because of the Hungarian currency being generally great the table football games cost approximately 4 cents NZ and beers about $1.50, oh and the girls got balloons too.

What a great city...

Check out the photos here:

Prague: City of Sexy Danger...

Like lonely planet says the night trains to Prague are for hardened travellers only. I catch the train with Scott the Aussie and we are with two Irish rugby players that are absolutely slaughtered and not finished drinking yet. One of them begins to freak out so badly that he hurls his clothes from the window of the moving train and decides that he wants to fight someone.

Cue Czech border guards who inform the Irish that there is no drinking on this train to which they reply, but we're Irish as if the Czech can understand. At this point 'naked Irish freaking out guy' gets the fight he wanted and the Czech border guards in their best broken English subdue him... oh and the gun pointing and punch in the face help too.

At this point using a Czech phrase I prepared earlier for such an occurrence I inform the Czech boarder guards that I'm not with them and flash that beautiful beautiful thing that is the New Zealand passport. This gets me and the Aussie out of the room and in to the next cabin where upon we spend the next two hours listening to the Irish get their bags and by the sounds of it, cavities searched.

After a eleven hour train journey that would've only taken nine hours I arrive in Prague exhausted with no accommodation at the busiest time of the year. Fortunately it only takes one hour to find a place. Note to all, never stay at a place called Golden Sickle or Golden Shit-hole as it shall now be known.

Prague itself is beautiful, the history and architecture blows me away. Just walking through the cobbled streets is pleasure and the famous Charles bridge lives up to expectation. Its a shame I ran out of batteries or I would've taken more pictures really.

I get some top shelf Czech vodka for about $12 NZD and polish it off with two American women from New Jersey. We get hammered and hit a massive club with 6 floors of all different kinds of music, The girls (Nicole and Anthea) proceed to pole dance often with me as the pole. Nicole decides that it is her duty to show me exactly what American, specifically "Jersey girls" can do and dirty dirty dancing ensues. Tourists and locals aghast but I'm hammered so I don't give a shit.

Loud porn star style sex follows where moves such as the reverse-cow-girl are flawlessly enacted while in an eight bedded dorm but everyone else was Canadian and therefore ever so polite.

We wander the city and catch some paddle boats on the river for an hour.

To apologise to the Canadians I get some more top shelf vodka and Scott the Aussie and I introduce them to Circle of Death. Three games later everyone is pretty hammered.
The Canadian boys head for the clubs but I'm in the mood to just chill so I go for a wander. On my return Anthea has injured herself while drunk believing that she was on the bottom bunk when in fact she was on the top. There is blood everywhere. I take a look and its just a flesh wound on her toe. Simpson's style calls of "I'll get the Iodine" occur, man I crack myself up. I clean and bandage her up and she promptly falls asleep.

Nicole is keen for more porn star style sex but I'm a bit tired and drunk but I think to myself "That's no excuse" and there is no stopping her anyway. Checking my watch 35 minutes later as I blow my load balls deep in her throat I'm thinking that Prague is awesome and I could really go a kebab right now.

Prauge photos here:

Krakow... Beautiful...

After getting on the wrong train, i.e. first class instead of second and express train instead of slow train there is casual gun pointing and fines to pay, the fine is 10PLN and I ask if they have change for a hundred. I continue my journey to Krakow in style.

Ahhh Krakow... Beautiful, I'd fully recommend it to anyone, great night life, beautiful sites, castles and of course Auschwitz is an hour and a half away.

The hostel has a BBQ every night so despite already having enough Polish sausages to possible overdose I decide to go along, plus they have a pub quiz following.

I drink with some Canadian chicks and we get slaughtered on the hostel bar's 10 shots of polish vodka for 30PLN ($12NZD).

The following day I meet up with some Scots and an American and we go to a lake which used to be a quarry. The women are unbelievable and insane cliff diving ensues. Pity I didn't take the camera that day.

In the evening we all have a few beers and play pool at the hostel, surprisingly I take everyone to school. A relatively quiet night because the next day we're going to Auschwitz.

Auschwitz is... well its un-be-fucken-leavable, you can literally feel the personal hell of the people that died there. Everything is presented so matter of fact, from the bullet holes of the firing squad to the scratching of the names on the wall.

Auschwitz II - Birkenau is completely different, the scale is much bigger the numbers are much bigger, its more of a production line of death and appears to be less personal. As far as the eye can see there are the chimneys of the huts that housed people while they waited to die. There are two separate ash piles with small signs. Its quite hard to comprehend "Here lie the ashes of approximately Six hundred thousand people".

Back at the hostel the next day I wandered in to a massive Catholic procession. It turns out that it is a national holiday today and I run in to some school kids that I met in Warsaw who are on a class trip, they are keen to chat and tell me whats going on.

I go to a resturant and have a big night out on the town with some Danes and Swedes. I have a paticulary "good time" with a curly haired Swedish blond called Elana. I take her to the lake the next day and we get caught in the rain on the way back.

Check out all the photos here:

Warsaw Poland: What the hell…

Arriving in Poland via air I get a very reasonably priced taxi to the hostel. I have a random night out with some Irish guys. We go to a club that is full to the brim of beautiful women, at this point I realise that Poland has no men, apparently according to the Irish all the men are in Ireland working.

I meet a hot hot hot local girl called Nap or Lap or some other single syllable name and take her for coffee, dinner and dancing, she is obvisouly blown away by my cosmopolitian ways and likes me for some strange reason, hey I'm not complaining. The next morning she says she wants to meet up later on so we can spend another day together. I wander through the hostel gates and there she is in all her hotness with... her mother. Mother and daughter smile at me and Mother says "You marriage". At this point I start freaking and politlely decline. Damn woman, I'm not ready for that kinda commitment!

The next day is spent wandering the city and then come dinner time I met an Aussie and a Canadian travelling together who are keen to go get a bite to eat. We go to a restaurant called Sphinx and eat heaps of fancy food and drink heaps of Polish beer and vodka. I’m dreading the bill but it turns out that everything is amazingly cheap here. Quite simply, we have a fantastic night out.

Belinda Courtney and I wander the town coming across an awesome park full of naked Greek statues, do I hear a photo-op? We see Poland's tomb of the unknown soldier and its at this point I realise that since 900AD Poland has pretty much been at war every 50 years or so.
The old town square is beautiful, after world war two it was utterly destroyed but they rebuilt it lovingly brick by brick. The weather gods are far too kind cause I’m sweating like a bastard and surrounded by oceans of beautiful women. The evening is spent drinking in the hostel with Belinda, Courtney and Rob the English guy.

The next day I check out the parks and museums and monuments. Suddenly I realise that there is a huge amount of cops with full on riot shield gear. I’m getting a little worried as I have no idea what is going on so I decide to head for the safety of the hostel. The problem is the more I walk the bigger the police presence. Once fear has reached all time highs I walk around a corner to the tune of Like a Virgin by Madonna which is blasting from somewhere. I’m so confused and I’m thinking that this is the biggest practical joke ever when I stumble upon what appears to be Poland's first Gay-pride peace march… Thanking the lord follows as I can be pretty sure that these guys aren’t going to cause trouble and the police are only there because Poland is a hard-core catholic state that is paranoid about such things. A few trannies on the back of a truck pass by rather harmlessly and all is well in the world again.

I see an Arthur Miller play in Polish for cheap. The unfortunate thing is that I speak three words of Polish and I can’t even guess which play it is so I pretty much have to guess at the story. Glad I went though.

Belinda and I go for a drink and play some pool, we get some even cheaper beers from the Supermarket and drink in the park on a grassy mound. We hit a jazz bar and drink and dance the night away. I experience the local vodka which is drunk with apple juice, I decide that I like it very much.

I check out the Jewish cemetery and its very airy. Some of the graves that pre-date World War have obvious bullet holes.

All the photos are here:

And that's Warsaw, hope your’re happy I’ve updated now mum ;-)

Gettin bark ta beer-sics…

Had a few beers in Maida Vale with Mike, Sylvie, Sion and Jane, Sion as it turned out had a few too many, it seems Jane will never live it down.. Poor Sion, all he needs is a good cuddle.

So after a semi-big night out I set off quite hung over towards London Euston station to catch a train to Birmingham. The train is one of those fancy new fangled devices that leans in to the corners, and as a bonus I eventually saw some actual grass, it was green too.

For those that don’t know, Birmingham is the ugliest city in the world, it’s so backward the only colour that has reached this so-called modern world is brown, though to their credit it’s obvious that they have splashed out on the odd different hue of brown. Fortunately as it turns out Andy lives about an hour away from it in Lichfield which turns out to be a nicer area and the houses aren’t all joined together which is a nice change from the rest of England.

So the guys sit down to watch some football or soccer, I take my leave and have a snooze, football as it turns out IS good for something. We start BBQing and drinking the second shittiest beer after Lion Red in the world, yes that’s right Fosters.

Games of football and touch rugby follow, playing rugby and passing backwards turns out to be too much of a mind job for Harv who insists on running over the touch line and expecting people to pass him the ball.

A guy turns up dressed as a punk rocker and I think ‘eh what the hell, this is England after all’ until he says “how come no one else dressed up too?” Turns out that the English have practical jokes too.

Oh yeah there was an Irish guy too.

I was beginning to wonder if Andy had any female friends at all when some eventually turn up though clearly not enough to go around, jokes about going to France to see the Eiffel tower ensue.

We toast marshmallows on the BBQ and rip in to the spirits eventually settling down to bed Andy’s sister, I mean settling down in Andy’s sisters bed – ahh semantics - for a well earned sleep about 3am.

The journey back to London is rather uneventful though it is notable for a win to Sion over Jane at chess. Gratuitous fist pumping resulted.

Well I’m off to Poland tonight and I’m frantically trying to simultaneously learn Polish and read everything there is to know about Poland as I currently know nothing except what there is to know concerning WW2. At this stage pretty sure that mentioning the war or fraternising with Germans and Russians is not a good thing… will keep you updated.

Over and out…

Check out all the photos here:

In and out of the English gloom.

Its time I gave people a proper run down of the London experience from
the beginning so here it is.

After a long flight I get in about 7.30pm GMT. Seeing Sion and his
newly shaven (balding) head is a sight for sore eyes, he's come to
pick me up, what a dude! Jane, Andy, Sion and I proceed to Waterloo –
yes THAT Waterloo - station for a few alcoholic beverages and a catch
up, I tell all about Singapore and the others tell me all about what
they've been up to in the year since I saw them all back in good 'ole
NZ.

At this point I've been awake for about 23 hours with four beers in me
I'm feeling a little tired, i.e. having trouble functioning. Waterloo,
Waterloo couldn't walk if I wanted to… We stumble home to Sion's at
about 1am.

As I wake the next morning I find myself in a room with a Corr's CD in
it, Sion man, we have to talk. The weather is typically English, i.e.
gloomy. Sion shows me around nearby Wimbledon but there's nothing much
to see.

The next day I'm a little less jetlagged so Sion plays tour guide and
we go to the Science museum, which is awesome! Sion and I spend hours
and hours in there doing puzzles and picking locks and learning stuff.
Learning turns out to be kinda hard work and it tends to make one
hungry, cue Sion – "I've heard about this famous Pie and mash shop in
Greenwich".

The pie turns out to be… well… lets just say that the English were
never known for their cuisine.

The pie has proven good for one thing however, it has brought us to
Greenwich and Greenwich is home to the Maritime museum and GMT date
line. Highlights include a Harrier jump jet and Sion full of pride
says "Some insignificant countries don't have such modern technology…"
my reply is "Where's the empire Sion, where's the empire? I guess not
even a jet that can take off vertically allowed the English to retain
their precious empire."

The actual date line - yes there is a line on the ground - is pretty
cool, jumping left and right while chanting "I'm on the east side, I'm
on the west side" confuses the Japanese tourists but makes me feel
like I'm doing something significant. The observatory and
time/watch/clock exhibits are pretty cool too.

The next morning Sion ad I embark on another big day. First stop
Leicester Square where I snap a pic of Charlie Chapman, the statue.

Piccadilly Circus… what a shitty circus.

Trafalgar Square where Lord Nelson is currently under refurbishment
and the mermaids are interestingly nip-less. Must write to the queen
about that one. Wait a minute there she is! We see her majesty drive
past looking lovely in yellow if you care about that sort of thing. I
play it cool thinking that its quite common to see the queen until
Sion admits that "Today Ben, we're on a par, its my first time too".

This inspires us to go and see if the old bird is up for tea and
biscuits with a couple of hansom young men like ourselves. However
security with automatic weapons and bushy hats say "NO" without us
even asking.

Sion went back to Guildford for a day or two so it was time to wrestle
all by my lonesome with the very arteries of London itself, i.e. The
London Underground, or more simply the Tube.

I saw London Bridge, which didn't fall down, and the Tower Bridge,
which was indeed towering. The Tower of London was less so, but
interestingly there is a legend that if the Crows leave the Tower then
London will fall, this is taken so seriously that all the poor birds
wings are actually clipped… Meaning that to take London all I needed
was a BB gun.

The Tate Modern museum was very enjoyable, I enjoyed the Lichenstein
cartoons and the 'Constructing USSR' exhibits, I could've spent days
in there.

St Paul's cathedral was big, beautiful but catholic. I tried to drum
up support for a 'Catholicism Wow' campaign that had more appeal to
the masses ya know… But everyone there was French and refused to
understand my concept of a 'Buddy Jesus'.

The National Gallery was the highlight of the day; I spent hours there
and got kicked out at closing. But not before seeing Scarlet Johansen.

The next evening I met up with Stu at a town hilariously named
Shepherds Bush. We had a few drinks at the local Aussie/Kiwi bar
called 'Walkabout' we met up with some friendly and un-annoying
Aussies. We got pissed and went to a bar called Puzzle where we
proceeded to play a game of giant Jenga… it was awesome, there was
people snorting cocaine in the toilets too… which was… hardcore.

Speaking of cocaine I met up with Katy from school the next evening,
welcome to the London drug culture, thanks for the warning.

Needing a scare on a gloomy bank holiday Jane, Sion and I visited the
London Dungeons. I thought it was kinda lame and not worth the money
or the queue but Jane screamed like a little girl, which was
entertaining.

My last night at Sion's so I cooked dinner and got a bottle of wine to
say thanks for putting me up on the cheap. Tonight I'm sleeping at
Mike and Silvies place until I get to Birmingham to see off Andy then
Warsaw Poland on the 6th of June.

--
http://thebeereffect.blogspot.com/

England: its the same, but different...

Well England is one big place, I think I've finally worked out the Tube system after 2-3 days... NOT.

I've seen the major sites, including the actual Queen herself... the photo isn't great as some womans shapely bottom got in the way, but you can tell its the Queen's car because of the flag on the top of the car, check it out here: Sion and I are now on a par as its his first time that he's seen the Queen in the flesh too. She was wearing yellow in case anyone was interested.

Have seen lots of crime in London, one crime per day so far - its very exciting, much like Singapore death is waiting around every corner.

Am hoping to head up to Birmingham to see off Andy as he's coming back to NZ soon but we'll see.

At the stage of booking a flight to Warsaw to see if the Polish have death waiting around every corner also.

Anyway, the touristy sites are pretty self explanatory so you can just look at the photos here:

Cheerio...

Singapore, much hotter than yo'mama...

So my first impressions of Singapore happened at 6000m in the air when
the in flight entertainment system told me it was 3 degrees centigrade
and local time was 5.30am. This in itself foretold of the stickiness
to come.

My first faux pas in Singapore occurred about 15 minutes after landing
in the airport… I mean who commits a faux pas that early? Honestly! As
I'm wandering through the airport laughing at all the hilarious
almost-English signs a sweaty white man (me) stumbles in to what turns
out to be a prayer room because the idiot (me) thought the picture of
the man sitting down was taking a crap and that he (me) was about to
drop a brown one. So many religions were offended that day.

Driving through Singapore, even in a bus, for the first time was
rather disconcerting, there is only one Singapore road rule it's: Stay
in your lane, and die. No one indicates, least of all the buses who
just honk their horn and move over leaving 3-4 cars on the median
strip… Keep in mind that this all happens at 90-100km/hr. Needless to
say the ride form the airport was very exciting.

So I (the sweaty white man) check in at about 7.30am to my hotel,
shortly followed by about 50 others and we wait for out rooms to
become available while sitting in the, as it turns out, only part of
the hotel without air conditioning. About 30 minutes later malaria
fear sets in at the site of one tiny mosquito from about 3m away,
bug-off insect repellent ensues and al the other sweaty white people
think I'm spritzing, jealous looks follow.

Lots of fat Chinese/Malay/Indian men with pot bellys… realise that I'm
at a reasonably fancy hotel and fat = rich.

Eventually I get to my room, it turns out someone fucked up and now
they've upgraded me to a 'studio' room. On arrival it looks like it
was built with the intention to one day shoot a porn movie in… From
the insto-music buttons on the headboard to the mirrors on every angle
on every wall, I'm left with the impression that this is definitely
porn material. At least there is air/con.

That afternoon I go on a tour of 'The magical Sentosa island'. I have
the tour guide from hell who continually asks me which hotel I'm from
for some inane reason. We took the cable car to the island which gave
some good views. Saw Underwater World, which was pretty awesome and at
this point I got sick of the tour guide so I ditched the tour.

So I'm alone on this strange jungle come theme park island and I come
across Singapore's national symbol which is a giant Merlion, that is a
Mermaid crossed with a lion. I give it the award for most extravagant
TV aerial.

I read the signs and then find myself at the setting of the magical
fountain where a few thousand non-white people are sitting waiting for
something to happen, I decide to wait with them despite being totally
soaked in sweat. While waiting I see random monkeys jumping fences to
scavenge, I take photos like all the other dumb tourists. Anyway the
magical fountain turns out to be a highlight, it looks like they spend
a few million dollars on pyrotechnics/lasers and kerosene every show.

I get back to the city by rejoining my tour group and catching the bus
with them and find myself having dinner at 11pm. I think it was a lamb
curry served on a banana leaf… well I think it was a banana leaf.

The next day sees me visiting the 'world famous, Jurong Bird Park'. We
have a good guide and the All Star Bird Show was pretty impressive, I
just wish we were there a bit earlier for the Bird of Prey show. They
have a huge aviary, where you can walk inside and feed the birds with
roaches and worms that you can buy. You just throw them in the air and
the birds catch it or hold it in your hand and they eat it out of your
hand. At this point extreme fear of bird flu sets in but the tour
guide goes to pains to point out that these birds are vaccinated and
completely safe. I wash my hands thoroughly.

So they have every bird you can think of here, Flamingos, Penguins,
Pelicans, Hornbills, and Eagles etc. They 'claimed' to even have a
Kiwi, which I didn't really believe. They also claimed to have the
biggest man made water fall too.

The talking birds were not very talkative although I got one of them
to mimic a wolf-whistle. I had a random lunch… think it was chicken.

The much-vaunted Night Safari was really good, a 45 min tram ride
though the jungle was pretty awesome. So close you could touch the
animals, not that it would be a good idea to as they were not tame.

The Creatures of the Night show included otters that were trained to
recycle and a leopard that jumps like 5m in the air. Had an up close
and personal encounter with a FUCKEN BIG snake.

After the shows there were numerous walks to go on, travelling by
myself meant that I was wandering alone through the jungle looking for
leopards. Stretching up thinking that damn I was a little lost I
disturbed a FUCKEN BIG spider web and spider, running for life ensued.
Fortunately I ran for my life in the right direction and I got back to
the main area believing that the bug spray had saved my life (again).

The next morning I took the buses around the city and hopped on and
off in various locations, got lost in malls the size of yo'mama and
ate what is probably the best Thai green curry ever. People tried to
sell me things where ever I went cries of Kiaora Kiaora New Zealander
followed everywhere. Almost bought a suit from this famous suit shop
they have pictures and business cards all around the walls of the
famous people wearing the suits with the shop owners.

Hilariously I discovered the next big thing in exercise called an
iRide. I walk past their stall in the middle of this big mall and see
about 10 Chinese business people bouncing up and down on what looks
like some sort of sex machine, my laughter is unstoppable. It's
supposed to simulate riding a horse, watching the instructional video
was the best comedy since the Life of Brian.

So I was out of another guided tour this one was billed as the night
adventure, the guide was hilariously bad. The boat ride down the river
in an old Junker was good even if it felt like it was going to sink at
any moment. We had dinner in this riverside café and then went to the
famous Raffles hotel where the Singapore Slinger drink was invented.

Got a fake G-shock watch for $4 Singapore dollars… awesome.

Second Singapore faux pas: Was in the mood for a beer so I thought I'd
try the hotel bar… BIG MISTAKE. Around 10 minutes after I arrive I
realise that this isn't really a bar, but at this point I'm not quite
sure what it is so I stay.

Pulling out my money for my second beer I'm suddenly surrounded by
like 5 women they all want to chat and I decide that as a lot of
Singaporean's do they want to practice their English on me. I make a
few jokes and have a few more beers and make myself the centre of
attention, as I am prone to do. I'm thinking that this is cool and I'm
very popular with the ladies so I'm having a great time!

Suddenly the 'Madam' comes out, yells something in Chinese and
disperses the crowd and a fight break between the women breaks out.
Things quieten down and I decide to finish my beer and go when
suddenly the 'winner' of the fight starts touching me and I'm like…
'Yep… it's a brothel'.

At this point I'm feeling really out of place but realising that it's
a brothel I see the guys who have been constantly playing pool for the
last hour are rather large and imposing fellas so I play along out of
fear while this woman in halting English tells me exactly what she can
do for $150 Singapore.

Exact words: 'What you like big boy, blow job, hand job, make love to you?'

Stalling for time I decide to bargain with her knowing that
Singaporeans always quote a price way to high first up. It turns out
that like all other commodities in Singapore Sex is no different. In
the end I get the following deal:

Exact words: 'blow job, hand job, make love to you, and (hilariously)
up the boom boom' for $125.

At this point, because there is no way past the bouncers at the door,
I'm a little worried that I may have to go through with it out of
fear, but when she says 'What your room number' I say 'Ah my
girlfriend is in the room, I guess you don't like girls'. She replies
'No but I get Gerri for you big boy' as she wanders off I see an exit
and I hastily rush for it, thinking that 'I thought this was illegal
here!'

Whew, got out of that one, but I'll have to write the travel agent
about that hotel… people need to know that shit man!

--
http://thebeereffect.blogspot.com/

Singapore... like a warm wet blankey...

So much to say and so little time... so just check out some photos and vids that I have uploaded for now. I'll provide explanations later.

Photos here:

The good times just don't stop rolling...

Went out for dinner at Chow with the folks on Friday night, food wasn’t too bad…

On Saturday it was my pleasure to be invited to what I will refer to as “Ben’s big day out”. After meeting some mates at Wellington train station we then set off to Porirua or what I will here-in refer to as “P-town”.

The weather in P-town was fantastic and this was very much a good thing as we were here for the very serious and competitive business that is Pirates Cove mini-golf. The game itself was less important than the fact that mini-golf was one of the things that I had to do before I left in case there doesn’t happen to be a course where I’m going, they’ve heard of mini-golf in Europe right? ;-)

Everyone made a credible job of throwing the game so that I could have the fairytale finish that I always wanted, this was much appreciated!

Following golf we found ourselves at Ban Mai Thai café for dinner. Spelling mistakes in the menu aside, Jared tells me the Roated Duck is pretty good.



We migrated to The Matterhorn for cocktails, the band playing was very funky, I would’ve danced or what will herein be referred to as “bipedal locomotion”, but there wasn’t much room with all the tables on the dance floor or what will herein be referred to as the “D-floor”.



Moving on to the Cavern club the D-floor was utilised for a bit of bipedal locomotion but we mostly just sat and drank in the comfy couches.



A quick visit to the Establishment signalled that it was home time. I arrived home via bus about 5.30am and promptly fell asleep dreaming of attractive women bipedaly locomoting on my D-floor.

Check out the rest of the photos here

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