In and out of the English gloom.

Its time I gave people a proper run down of the London experience from
the beginning so here it is.

After a long flight I get in about 7.30pm GMT. Seeing Sion and his
newly shaven (balding) head is a sight for sore eyes, he's come to
pick me up, what a dude! Jane, Andy, Sion and I proceed to Waterloo –
yes THAT Waterloo - station for a few alcoholic beverages and a catch
up, I tell all about Singapore and the others tell me all about what
they've been up to in the year since I saw them all back in good 'ole
NZ.

At this point I've been awake for about 23 hours with four beers in me
I'm feeling a little tired, i.e. having trouble functioning. Waterloo,
Waterloo couldn't walk if I wanted to… We stumble home to Sion's at
about 1am.

As I wake the next morning I find myself in a room with a Corr's CD in
it, Sion man, we have to talk. The weather is typically English, i.e.
gloomy. Sion shows me around nearby Wimbledon but there's nothing much
to see.

The next day I'm a little less jetlagged so Sion plays tour guide and
we go to the Science museum, which is awesome! Sion and I spend hours
and hours in there doing puzzles and picking locks and learning stuff.
Learning turns out to be kinda hard work and it tends to make one
hungry, cue Sion – "I've heard about this famous Pie and mash shop in
Greenwich".

The pie turns out to be… well… lets just say that the English were
never known for their cuisine.

The pie has proven good for one thing however, it has brought us to
Greenwich and Greenwich is home to the Maritime museum and GMT date
line. Highlights include a Harrier jump jet and Sion full of pride
says "Some insignificant countries don't have such modern technology…"
my reply is "Where's the empire Sion, where's the empire? I guess not
even a jet that can take off vertically allowed the English to retain
their precious empire."

The actual date line - yes there is a line on the ground - is pretty
cool, jumping left and right while chanting "I'm on the east side, I'm
on the west side" confuses the Japanese tourists but makes me feel
like I'm doing something significant. The observatory and
time/watch/clock exhibits are pretty cool too.

The next morning Sion ad I embark on another big day. First stop
Leicester Square where I snap a pic of Charlie Chapman, the statue.

Piccadilly Circus… what a shitty circus.

Trafalgar Square where Lord Nelson is currently under refurbishment
and the mermaids are interestingly nip-less. Must write to the queen
about that one. Wait a minute there she is! We see her majesty drive
past looking lovely in yellow if you care about that sort of thing. I
play it cool thinking that its quite common to see the queen until
Sion admits that "Today Ben, we're on a par, its my first time too".

This inspires us to go and see if the old bird is up for tea and
biscuits with a couple of hansom young men like ourselves. However
security with automatic weapons and bushy hats say "NO" without us
even asking.

Sion went back to Guildford for a day or two so it was time to wrestle
all by my lonesome with the very arteries of London itself, i.e. The
London Underground, or more simply the Tube.

I saw London Bridge, which didn't fall down, and the Tower Bridge,
which was indeed towering. The Tower of London was less so, but
interestingly there is a legend that if the Crows leave the Tower then
London will fall, this is taken so seriously that all the poor birds
wings are actually clipped… Meaning that to take London all I needed
was a BB gun.

The Tate Modern museum was very enjoyable, I enjoyed the Lichenstein
cartoons and the 'Constructing USSR' exhibits, I could've spent days
in there.

St Paul's cathedral was big, beautiful but catholic. I tried to drum
up support for a 'Catholicism Wow' campaign that had more appeal to
the masses ya know… But everyone there was French and refused to
understand my concept of a 'Buddy Jesus'.

The National Gallery was the highlight of the day; I spent hours there
and got kicked out at closing. But not before seeing Scarlet Johansen.

The next evening I met up with Stu at a town hilariously named
Shepherds Bush. We had a few drinks at the local Aussie/Kiwi bar
called 'Walkabout' we met up with some friendly and un-annoying
Aussies. We got pissed and went to a bar called Puzzle where we
proceeded to play a game of giant Jenga… it was awesome, there was
people snorting cocaine in the toilets too… which was… hardcore.

Speaking of cocaine I met up with Katy from school the next evening,
welcome to the London drug culture, thanks for the warning.

Needing a scare on a gloomy bank holiday Jane, Sion and I visited the
London Dungeons. I thought it was kinda lame and not worth the money
or the queue but Jane screamed like a little girl, which was
entertaining.

My last night at Sion's so I cooked dinner and got a bottle of wine to
say thanks for putting me up on the cheap. Tonight I'm sleeping at
Mike and Silvies place until I get to Birmingham to see off Andy then
Warsaw Poland on the 6th of June.

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