Today I am a happy man...

I was recently dreaming about the perfect everlasting gaze of bullets with butterfly wings under the window paine, Today is the greatest... Yes I have been listening to Smashing Pumpkins.

I have decided that Rocket off Siamese Dream is my favourite song of the moment, the realisation hit me on the taxi home this evening as I had inadvertently hit repeat for the fourth time, its a strangely uplifting song. Maybe I'm weird but grunge music, despite the kate moss-heroine-addicted-image, is really really uplifting. Perhaps its not grunge, but just the early/mid nineties that gives me that uplifting feeling and I'm somehow transported back there by listening to the music of the era.

What so special about that era for me? Well there was a lot going on, I was deeply in the throes of puberty for one, I think I was about 12 or 13 when I first heard the Siamese dream album, so yeah I guess that could be right. Though I don't remember a whole lot of good times puberty-wise... I remember a class at intermediate school about masturbation, that was probably the highlight of the school year, I think I laughed for about three weeks after hearing my poor teacher a year or two out of Teachers College have to teach this class...

some student: So masturbation is like... OK then?

Mr S: haha yeah, well its not going to kill you.

Some student: So do you masturbate then Mr S?

(pause)

Mr S: well... yeah - of course he had to say yes after dispelling rumours that we'd go blind or it would drop off etc.

At this point a whole lot of 12 year old boys burst out laughing and don't stop for seriously three weeks... So glad that I did not go to a Catholic school right now. Though I guess I have to transport myself back in time to find it funny... I wrote "some student" cause I wasn't sure if it was me saying it or not, it sounds like something I would've said however, ha.

Growing up thinking its normal to jack off to your hearts content is the greatest thing school has ever taught me to be honest, now thats freedom mid-west America.

So looking at the psychological trail of thought, listening to a certain type of music makes me feel good cause I associate it with jacking off??

Hey works for me...